A mathematician and his best friend, an engineer, attend a public lecture on geometry in thirteen-dimensional space. «How did you like it?» the mathematician wants to know after the talk. «My head’s spinning,» the engineer confesses. «How can you develop any intuition for thirteen-dimensional space?» «Well, it’s not even difficult. All I do is visualize the situation in n-dimensional space and then set n = 13.»
The mother of already three is pregnant with her fourth child.
One evening, the eldest child says: «Do you know what I’ve found out?»
«No.»
«The new baby will be Chinese!»
«What?!»
«Yes. I’ve read in the paper that statistics shows that every fourth child born nowadays is Chinese…»
– What’s your favorite thing about mathematics?
– Knot theory.
– Yeah, me neither…
– Do you love your math more than me?
– Of course not, dear. I love you much more.
– Then prove it!»
– OK… Let R be the set of all lovable objects…
Q: How do mathematicians induce good behavior in their children?
A: «If I’ve told you n times, I’ve told you n+1 times…»
Why should the number 288 never be mentioned? Because it’s two gross!
(A gross is a dozen dozen = 144)
Why can’t a rabbit’s nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot
An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician are on a train in Scotland. The astronomer looks out of the window, sees a black sheep standing in a field, and remarks, «How odd. Scottish sheep are black.» «No, no, no!» says the physicist. «Only some Scottish sheep are black.» The mathematician rolls his eyes at his companions’ muddled thinking and says, «In Scotland, there is at least one field, containing at least one sheep, at least one side of which appears black from here.»
(And yes, I misspelled «Scotland» in the drawing – sorry!)
An chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore. The chemist and the physicist comes up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: «Assume we have a can opener…»
The mathematician wakes up and smells smoke. He goes to the hall, sees the fire and then the fire hose. He thinks for a moment and then exclaims, «Ah, a solution exists!» and then goes back to bed.
Pandalilium 